Friday, May 13, 2005

Promise. Should. Ought to. Do it. What is the proper word to set a light under one's ass to DO IT? I've led a relatively comfortable and sheltered life (no complaints, mom and dad..) have a safety net to fall back on if something happens. As every other person, I gained independence in varying degrees that I allowed myself during my 20's (college, part time jobs, grad school, and so on. I became financially independent from my parents at age 26. I am lucky, yes.

Yet I'm too comfortable and cynical to apply my education, skills, wit, and energy to what ails this city, country, hemisphere, and the planet. I wake up in my very comfortable futon bed cocooned into my down blanket, drag myself out to make coffee and nibbles. Shower, dress, and go to work. I work with a very disadvantaged population here in the city so it really consumes my energy. I used to see my job as an emotional and intellectual quagmire. I go out see friends, date, read books, watch tv, see movies, and party. Once in a while I'd attend meetings or protests to get involved with a cause. And go home, crawl back to bed and have decent sleep.

But I flit in and out of causes.

In high school and college I had anti social tendencies, preferring to stick with a small band of friends being very passive. I wanted to complete my BA and get out of dodge.

Graduate school and years I've been living here in NYC I made up for the loss of *real* social life that I lacked prior to being 25. It was a very difficult transition from age 25 to 26, from full fledged deaf world into nearly all hearing world and back to deaf. I can't any more prouder and content with myself. *pats self on shoulder* good girl, Kate!

Point: I've studied about 7 years of government, international relations, and community development with people with disabilities. I've had passionate and brilliant moments. I did a thesis on deaf and HoH asylum seekers/refugees with US and UK policies, a 'proposed' model for deaf and people with disabilities to help post-war Iraqi back on track as a proper country. Yet I feel like my job (rewarding and not rewarding depending on how well the day go and whether I have mettle or not) is plenty.

I would have to find something to return the fire in me. Ridor's blog mentioned that the Bush administration is cutting away at services aimed at prepping disadvantaged deaf and people with disabilities into mainstream society (jobs and what have you). I'm too annoyed with Bush's actions and that s a whole different blog post altogether.

Now that I have a snazzy new laptop I shall make good use out of it and my training and energy ready to be resurrected.



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